A Night Mare Come true

I was so scared to tell you how I felt
Scared because I might lose you
I was scared because these feelings were real
I was scared because I know this goodbye is forever
In aghast because this will be the last time
Scared because we were torn apart
I'm so scared because you aren't even mine.

There was no meaning,
You left me behind when I wanted you to be near
Scared to lose you yet i don't have you
They took you away
And I know you are in good hands
Yet Scared to let go

Because life will never be the same
And i know this won't ever change
I've lost you yet I never had you
And Yes, my nightmare has come true.

- Aparajitha Rajagopalan

The Perfect Imperfection !!

She Wears the Best of Clothes
The beautiful danglers on her ears
And black liners on her eyes,
Her hair smooth and straight

She looks into the mirror
And she’s not surprised how cruel
The mirror reminded her,
She looked perfectly imperfect.

The imperfection keeps shredding her heart
Wishing day and night
To erase all her scars that taints her,
To melt her fat into the ground,
That anguishes her to Death.

She keeps wishing upon the wishing stars
Not to make her beautiful
But to make her Go blind,

So that she can never see
her Ugly self,
and all the perfect imperfection.

-Aparajitha Rajagopalan

Dead or Alive ?

I'm staring at this inverted reflection,

drowning in my vague rejection.

This girl I see is with a messed up head,

is she alive, is she dead?

Is she gonna make it? Will she ever break free?

Is she gonna be Okay? Do you see that she was me?

She was me till I changed, until I vanished.

I was replaced by broken promises, consumed by poignant fears.

I'm looking at her standing there, her emotionless eyes portraying tragedy.

She’s smiling but I know she's dieing, captivated by this madness.

Look at all the tears she's shed,

is she alive or is she dead?

She’s fighting herself, fighting to live her life

she’s weak, she's strong, she's a woman, she's a girl.

All the things she never said,

is she alive or is she dead?

She's been standing at that mirror, that alternate reality,

standing for so long, see's things the world will never see.

Just look at all the blood she's bled.

Is she alive or is she dead?

Her imaginary wounds are bleeding more heavily,

She's looking at her hateful reflection

Understanding that you'll never know, you'll always be kept in the dark.

She goes to sleep while wide awake, and breathes with no breath left.

So tell me now, my imaginary self is she alive, or is she dead?

- Aparajitha Rajagopalan

Why does she cry ?

Her Eyes are filled with salty tears
She is asking herself not to let it out
But these wicked tears ditched her yet again!

These eyes of hers tend to see fantasy rather than reality.
They tend to feel what they want to feel.
Tend to know what they want to know.

Why cant they see what is truly there?
Why can’t these eyes finally believe that the people who
torment her are the people who are willing to see her fall?
Why does she weep all night thru?

Why does she look stronger when she is all dead inside?
No one can ever see what she goes through
why does she allow people stab right in her heart every time?
She stands all alone with her Eyes filled with tears yet again!

-Aparajitha Rajagopalan

I have a Question !!

Silent depression
creeps through my body
my mind keeps trying
heart keeps crying

My hopes are coded
prayers keep coming
to take me out of this
tearful bind

I refuse to choose what I need
love him still
and can't let go
but can never hold on

My Love is an obstacle
that I can't budge
Having him around
is too depressing
Will I ever Let it Go ??

LOST !!!!

Once strong for words, now speechless
Not knowing where to go, what to do
What to say, what to feel
My mind numb, my heart throbs.

Lost in a world, that scares me to death,
Lost in a crowd I’m losing my breath,
Lost as a kid, lost as an adult

I feel everything is falling apart and its my fault
Lost as a person, cant find my way
Lost in life every day, Lost in worry

Lost in Me, I need a break
Lost in wonder which road should I take?
Lost in a place I don’t know well
Where are you now? There’s no one to tell
Lost here all alone To break these walls

Lost in mind
Lost in soul
Lost memories, there just a hole
Lost family, lost my place
Still yet I’m full of hate
Lost in boredom think I’ll leave
There’s a lot in life I need to achieve

One of these Dayz !!

Sooner or Later
you'll look back to see
that I was always there
but you were never there for me !!

One of these days
your heart will start to ache
then you'll realize
there was a risk you needed to take !!

Sooner or Later
you'll look around and search for me
I will be gone far away
but in u Always and forever.

- Aparajitha Rajagopalan